Families And Faith
Its is becoming pretty common place in many areas to hear a lament such as “ Oh, if they just believed it would be all right.” Or “ If my kids went to church that would give them the morals to straighten them out.” So, the interest in religion and spirituality has risen sharply in recent years. Many studies done by the Gallup organization and other reputable groups show that belief in God is as strong as it ever was. Other studies will break down that conclusion to explore faith and belief among the teen population. Even there many teens will report a religious belief that is important to them and keeps them going. In a community of religious diversity as rich as ours here in Southeastern Michigan there is a concerted effort in many religious traditions to provide experiences, for those who wish to sign up, to study one’s own religious tradition.
Yet, with all of this study there is a continuing concern about immoral behavior of many kinds. Violence done to others continues to thrive. For those who value immediate gratification and pleasure over the gradual involvement in a belief system and way of life which seems to make sense and provide a structure to life the addictive pleasures of drugs, sex, alcoholism, and gambling seem to take over. The reasons for all of this can either be because there is no belief system and one grabs on to the most immediate thing to fill this gap in one’s life, or one is so intent on satisfying one’s own need, variously called pride, or self-centeredness, or hubris, that one’s own pleasure to the exclusion of all else becomes the belief or value, of faith that one chooses to live by.
Behavior does not change simply by changing the message. For a family to have a faith tradition that makes a profound influence to keep them together appropriately and provide a structure there is as lot of work that must take place. Simply put, actions speak louder than words. Parents must not only practice what they preach but behave in a way consistent with what they preach if they expect their children to take church, synagogue, mosque, or faith influences seriously. Educators, therapists, clergy and others in similar roles are often given the responsibility, either by the society at large or even sometimes by frustrated parents, to make kids believe and get them straightened out. I believe that it is true that it does take a community and a faith community and an academic community and a peer group community all working at their best to raise a person.
If a family want a faith tradition to support them they must find one that they believe in. The Christian tradition, the Jewish tradition, and other faiths believe in the importance of the family structure. But to pass on that faith and make it real one must get involved. In the Christian Tradition the model of driving the kids to Sunday School, of CCD, and picking them up, without being active in fellowship opportunities, attending worship on a regular basis, seeking educational opportunities to learn about your faith, and finding those opportunities to reach out to others, which is a part of so many faiths, all will help make that faith a part of one’s life. But if these ideas are to be successful the parents must choose this avenue of life. The worst job I have, as a pastoral psychotherapist, is to have a family in my office either where the parents want the therapist to make the children behave by preaching at them, or quickly getting the child to accept the faith of their parents with no work to understand the child’s faith perspective.
Families, in their infinite variety of forms, are still the building blocks of our lives. It is a psychological need, as well as a religious precept, that faith is a building block of life. Bringing your family into the faith you believe in will have benefits for all family members of many kinds. But it must be done consistently, religiously, over time, and it will take hard work. But what about faith and life does not take commitment and devotion in order to experience its blessing?
This article first appeared in the Farmington Observer.
Dr. Paul Melrose
