I did some things on my mini sabbatical that I normally would not have done. I read more books. I realized I have a wide variety of interests. I took time to visit old friends, one in Colorado and one in New Jersey. I took advantage of some free time, when my wife was traveling on her own to visit our granddaughter and have extended time with other family I would not normally have been able to spend time with. My mini sabbatical was not a true sabbatical. I was able to weave my sabbatical moments in and through my regular work activities. So, I felt a little more refreshed, with a broader perspective, as I worked with the clients I see, sat with the supervisees and staff colleagues I work with, more hopeful and challenged as I worked with committees on administrative matters related to our agency and its work in these increasingly difficult times.

I write these thoughts to share with you the reader that I think you too, if you have not already, should think of taking a sabbatical. What can you do to give yourself a rest from the normal, the regular, the routine? For one family I know their sabbatical, which I think they do often, was a picnic in their family room (it was raining), followed by a game night. For another it was hitting one of the metro parks for a run. Another found sitting listening to this person’s favorite music just the right touch. Another found moving into a new house was a sabbatical because the satisfaction of working on a project and creating one’s own space was refreshing.

We know that the recession will be with us for some time. We know that the stress of this time is wearing us down. We know further that there are not simple solutions for coping. We know that what works for one moment may fail at another. The idea and the experience of a sabbatical, in its deepest meaning, makes sense not only for people of faith but for anyone who needs to step back, step away, take a break. Today is the last Sunday afternoon of my sabbatical. My wife returns soon and we will move forward, back together, but both changed, and I think, enriched from the sabbaticals, the time we were separate and the time we were together. Find a way to offer yourself, and accept on behalf of yourself, a sabbatical. The amount of refreshment and restoration to be derived from the experience can give you just the hope you need to take the next step forward.

The general answer is still “probably not”. There still exists a bias, a stigma, against seeking mental health assistance. One part of an older way of thinking about mental health assistance was that it was a sign of moral weakness. Some felt that those suffering from demons displeased God. Their life was not morally pure by some objective standard. Another source of discouragement for seeking mental health assistance comes still from a point of view that suggests a weakness of personality and personal strength. This is something I should be able to handle myself. And if I admit to struggling with some overwhelming feelings of a sense of depression I would not dare admit that for fear of alienating my friends and family. An awareness of a mental or substance abuse problem in one’s family is cause for scorn and ridicule or some kind of condescending sympathy from others.

It is sad that these attitudes still exist when we are living in the worst economic crisis to hit the world community, some have said since the Great Depression. The economic crisis generates an anxiety that surrounds us. Who does not know someone not effected by this situation with either a job loss, a reduction of hours or wages or benefits, extended time on the unemployment line, or even more pervasive the fear or sense of impending doom: when will any of these matters happen to me? How long is my job good for? Will the bank call in my mortgage or home equity loan? I am already trying to put food on the table with my 3 part time jobs; now I have lost one because the store closed. And with all of these fears benefits, particularly health benefits are disappearing. There is little or no discretionary cash to think of mental health care as an aid to help to cope with the fear, depression, stress and anxiety that is tearing me, my family, my community apart.

Please think twice. Your mental health is crucial to helping you to cope. Your mental health is crucial to helping you to make wise decisions. Your mental health is both a driver of and responder to other health conditions you may be struggling with. So, some thoughts. At the minimum find friends, family members, with whom you can be honest about what this time is doing to you. Seek out a support group of people in a similar condition, such as others who have lost jobs, while at the same time look for help on specific tasks, such as resume writing, financial advising, interview practicing. Find a good book on dealing with your feelings. Your religious leaders, pastor, priest, rabbi, imam, is there for you. In your free time volunteer to help in some program or project. Do not discount the services of a mental health professional. Seek out people you may have heard speak or give a seminar. Check professional listings for credentials. Many mental health professionals, such as we at Samaritan, work on an adjusted fee basis. Even one or two visits to a professional can be of much benefit. Now is not the time to ignore you as a thinking, feeling, caring person. Without these qualities in tact you will severely limit your ability to cope and not be there for yourself and those who not only care about you but also need you in their lives. Let’s all help each other. We will make it through.

Giving too much, being around traumatic situations, can take a toll on the people whose job or desire is to be generous, altruistic, simply want to lend a helping hand. With the stories of how this economy, whether or not the auto companies will survive, how long will the shut down be, will I be effected in the next round of job cuts, will I loose my mortgage, and numerous other tragedies which are reported, some can almost become addicted to the news, fearing that they cannot be in the dark about the tragedies which are occurring. Healthcare professionals can be afflicted by this condition. Human Resource people in corporations and management and others involved in sharing lay off notices can be afflicted. Many who spend20time as caregivers for older persons, those who are very sick or have a debilitating condition, may also suffer from compassion fatigue. It is an understandable condition which warrants attention and self care for the person who is experiencing it.

A person struggling with compassion fatigue is exhausted. The energy, interest, talents, and professional skills, the simple desire to help, are all in need of rest. This is not a moral or religious issue. It is not wrong or a sin to run out of the energy to care. It can be a moral or spiritual issue of a sort, as well as an overall health issue, if one does not listen to what is going on within and become aware of the clues that it is time to take a break. When you feel you can give care no longer you may need a break.

Some of the things to do are to avoid traumatic stories on TV; don’t stay glued to the TV. Take time for self care, both physically and spiritually. Find fun and restful activities. Look for signs of hope, in skills your kids might be learning, in a new adventure which you might take to a new museum, play or musical. You may literally need time away, whether it is a vacation, a sabbatical, or leave of absence. Home care givers need respite care for themselves so that they can spend time away from their care receiver while someone else takes over. It is always important to talk about these feelings with a friend, colleague, religious leader, your spouse, or other close family member. In severe cases you could consult a professional. The point is that caregivers are just the people who both want, and because of who they are, the care receiver needs. Those who must share the news with colleagues that they no longer have a job are also worn out, perhaps angry, perhaps even guilty because they have a job. &nbs p; Giving and being generous are central to many of our faith traditions. But, it, too, needs to be nurtured. Take care of yourself so you can continue to take of the world which you have been given.

In seminary I did a field work experience in a church in a deeply poverty stricken neighborhood. But the community of people in worship and in other church activities smiled, had an upbeat outlook and looked forward to getting up each day. This made me think of a story a friend of mine recently shared with me. A noted religious leader – a rabbi – and family therapist, Edwin Friedman – wrote a book called Friedman’s Fables. One of his fables had to do with a string of dominos, precariously situated, particularly when one of them lost his balance began to fall, and in falling fell into another. You can picture what began to happen; the entire string of dominoes, all vertically straight standing next to each other, began to fall also, doing so in sequence as the increased force of the dominoes, gained speed and more quickly and powerfully fell into the next domino. Several dominoes, further down the line, wondered what they could do to prevent the fall; perhaps if many of them stood together they could withstand the pressure and stop the force of these dominoes. They were nervous and worried about the impact that might occur. One domino stepped out of the line. The dominoes came crashing down and the entire line collapsed, except the one domino that stepped out of line and remained standing. This one domino decided not to be influenced by the anxiety and fear of falling which pushed al the other dominos together and further influenced their fall.

We can be like this one domino, says Friedman; we can take charge of anxiety and use it to create at the minimum good coping skills, and at the best approaches to our situation which can provide us with a good enough outlook to help us move ahead positively. What does this mean? Look carefully at your own life situation: make wise decisions, surround yourself with people who support this idea and are trying to move ahead themselves. But in the process care for yourself in some very significant ways.

Firstly, pay attention to feelings. Be honest with yourself and loved ones about your anxiety or fear of loss of any or your entire current life situation. When you welcome those feelings into your life and recognize them they will not have control and unduly drive your thoughts and actions. Make honest steps to control your spending, save; cut back if you need to. Keep fun in your life, whether through games with family, fun reading or other ways to help support a positive outlook. If you are struggling to keep a job, see what you need to do to improve. Maybe you need to start putting together a resume. If you think you can’t find a job in this area look for a job. If your family needs to split, with one spouse working at a distance, find others in this situation so you can receive support. Pay attention to those spiritual truths from which you take comfort. Look to your religious community for the caring and support it can provide. Further, see where you may be able to reach out. Many others have lived with less economic and personal wealth and possessions and may in more difficulty and rely on agencies for help. They could use your help and you will benefit with the happiness of helping another.

If you need professional help look around. Many mental health professionals, will try to work with you if you have no health insurance or less income, if only to help you sort out what is going on and identify things that if you can’t stay in therapy you might be able to do for yourself. Finally, don’t withdraw. The domino who stepped out of the crowd did so in order to reengage with the others in control of his anxiety. Stay in contact with people to help stay in focus, fight against the competition that will arise from perceived scarcity and appreciate history as well. There is a spirit, for many of us it lies in our faith, and for others they find something in the world around them, which allows them to move forward. Find that spirit and stay with it. And if you need mental, emotional, spiritual support don’t withdraw; get help. Even there you will not be alone. Hang in!

When many people hear the words “play therapy,” they envision taking their kids to play games with a therapist and aren’t too sure how that will help change their situation. While parents likely believe it will be more fun for their children than standard talk therapy, many parents are wary of paying money “just to have their kids play.” After all, they can do that at home, many parents will say. What many people don’t realize is that they cannot play at home in the same manner as they can in a therapist’s office. Most importantly, play is a much more natural mode of communication for children than talking, which is why it is the most fitting medium for working through emotional issues with children.

So, you may still be wondering exactly what play therapy is. What does it look like in the room and specifically why does it work? Play therapy is a unique growth experience in which a child develops an understanding of and respect for him or herself and others, develops appropriate coping skills, and learns how to set appropriate and healthy boundaries and to be accountable for his or her actions. These goals probably sound a lot like those for adults seeking the more known talk therapy. And as with adults, this process takes time. Just as children don’t learn to swim or play baseball overnight, learning new life skills takes consistent practice over a period of time. What’s different with play therapy is that instead of just talking about their struggles, children use some form of play to work through them. This might include various types of games, pretend or dramatic play, sand tray use or different forms of artwork.

Because play is understood to be children’s primary language, it is the most natural way for them to work through difficult issues. No child wants to be or can be forced into thinking about something in a new way or into learning a new skill. The play environment allows this process to occur at a pace that the child can monitor, giving him or her a needed sense of control when much in his or her life feels chaotic. Further, the use of play and the resulting symbolism allows children to externalize their fears, sadness, anger, etc. and thereby work through difficult situations more safely. Providing some symbolic distance through play allows scary or overwhelming emotions to surface in a safe manner. This helps the child learn that he or she can in fact experience those feelings as well as experience being in true relationship with themselves and others without being “taken over” by strong emotions. For these reasons, children’s play is not interpreted to them. Further, only consistent themes are communicated to parents so they come to understand what’s happening with their child without compromising the safety and confidentiality of the therapeutic environment.

For any of the aforementioned to really occur in session, the child needs to feel connected to and trust his or her therapist. For this reason, the therapeutic relationship is the basis and foundation of play therapy. Children are offered a safe and nurturing space in which they are free to express whatever feelings or thoughts they might have. This occurs within boundaries that support the children’s well-being and without children needing to worry about whether they might offend or scare parents, other relatives or friends by this expression of emotion.

So, hopefully this sheds some light on the topic of play therapy. It’s most commonly used with children ages 3-12 since children of these ages express themselves and their experiences of their world by using play more than conversation. However, it can also be used very effectively with adolescents and adults, especially those who are creative or more action-oriented than verbal. With these clients, focus tends to shift away from dramatic play and more toward using games, sand tray or various forms of artwork.

About mental health Rosalyn Carter has said: “People with mental problems are our neighbors. They are members of our congregations, members of our families; they are everywhere in this country. If we ignore their cries for help, we will be continuing to participate in the anguish from which those cries for help come. A problem of this magnitude will not go away. Because it will not go away, and because of our spiritual commitments, we are compelled to take action.” It is part of the Spiritual Commitment and sense of how we understand people that leads us at Samaritan Counseling Center to want to make the public aware of this major health concern. While the above mental health organizations have taken the lead to promote this concern many other mental health groups join this effort. Here are some facts: According to the Surgeon General, one in every five Americans experiences a mental disorder in any given year and half of all Americans have such disorders at some time in their lives. These illnesses of the brain affect all of us, regardless of age, gender, economic status or ethnicity.

Mental illness affects the mind, body and the spirit. It is a real, common and treatable illness. Mental illnesses are far more common than cancer, diabetes, heart disease or arthritis.

Why is good mental health important? Good mental health is essential to overall health and personal well-being. It also contributes to the ability to lead a healthy, balanced, and productive life. Emotional problems can impair a person’s thinking, feelings, and behavior and, over time, can become increasingly serious and disabling. Unfortunately, many people do not seek treatment for mental health issues for a number of reasons. They may not be completely aware of the extent of their problem, they may be hesitant to make contact with a mental health professional because they fear they will be stigmatized, or they may not know how to access services. Yet, overall quality of life is greatly improved when a person with a mental health concern or problem seeks help and receives appropriate treatment from a qualified professional.

Numerous websites highlight and lift up the importance of this month. I looked at several websites to gather this information to give you, the reader, a flavor of how important a health concern this is. If you need to seek help; your good health depends on it.

You might want to know for practical reasons. Your neighborhood can be an attractive place to live and work if all of its residents work together. If you know your neighbors it can improve neighborhood safety to have your neighbors watch your property when you are away. You might find your neighbor has a skill which can help you with a project. Your neighbor might find that since you have lived in the community longer you might have some suggestions as to where to find a service of some kind like hairdresser, or medical needs or a house of worship or the nearest YMCA.

The notion of coming to know your stranger even has a parallel in your inner life. As a survival tactic or coping skill the ego has a way of distancing the conscious self from parts of the personality which seem painful, able to inflict pain, or generally have qualities which do not help in relationships and general public acceptance. These parts of us are either hidden or only come into play in extreme circumstances or they take the form of being such a part of us that while we are familiar and just know us as the way we are others might find us difficult to relate to. One example: depression. Many who are depressed either deny it consciously or have developed ways to cope which pushes the depression away. But in either of those cases the depression, an integral part of ourselves because it is in our hardwiring, our experience, is a stranger and not a neighbor. The basic technique in therapy for treating depression, or any other parts of our lives that might be problematic, is to make them known, to “meet them”, to understand more about that part of ourselves, to become “neighbors” with the part of ourselves we don’t like. Rather than be ruled by fear, or ignorance or uncertainty or denial we can reach out to meet this part of ourselves. In the meeting and learning about that part of ourselves the personality heals a “split”, becomes more unified, and more energy focuses on the unity and common goal of the health and strength of the person.

This psychological process is a bit like what can happen in our neighborhoods where we live, or across neighborhoods, or across cities, states, countries, cultures within and among religious communities. Simplistic? Perhaps except that when walls are broken down, and people move away from fear and learn to trust, both them and their neighbors, the peace of the community broadens and strengthens. Just some thoughts as we think about whether or not to host either neighborhood parties in our own neighborhood or take a look within ourselves to meet the stranger there.

There is at the root of this struggle a fear of change. Regardless of how bad things are at least the present pattern is familiar. There is an acceptance of what is; it is predictable and there are no surprises, or not too many. Besides, you say, I can handle this on my own. As one therapist has formulated the question, “Have you ever resolved to “do better”, only to find yourself reverting to familiar destructive patterns?” The fear of change is in conflict with the need to change. What aids in this struggle is if a person can achieve a balance between the seeking change part of you and the resistant part of you. When a reasonable balance is arrived at a person, or couple or family find they can consider enough change to adapt and grow and alter the present situation but not change so much as to make themselves unrecognizable to self and others. A person will survive as who that person is. Change is not about becoming such a new person as to unhinge you from your roots and history. What may happen though is that through the therapeutic process one can find out that there was more to him/herself than was known so that this one can feel like a new person.

Change is a process. I referred to a balance above, a balance between seeking and resisting change. It can happen that if these two forces are out of balance not enough change might occur or there could be too much change too soon and failure might occur. That is why therapy is a process. So that the kind of change one is looking for, needs, and hopes to find can be worked with enough until a reasonable balance is found.

One writer sees the therapeutic process as including becoming aware that change is needed, coming up with a plan for change, and acquiring new skills and techniques. Some of the ways that a client in therapy will start to become aware that change is occurring might include: motivation and readiness (“I was desperate to get back to my old self”); tools and strategies (“It’s the changes in behavior that I learned”); learning (“I would take a lot of stuff home to read about assertiveness”); interaction with therapist (“…they don’t judge your character or think they know you”); perceived aspects of self (“I am a strong person mentally”); and the relief of talking (“Let me get everything out, let me relieve myself of everything”). Understand that writing about a process of change is not as dynamic as the process itself. Often the above ways just listed are not sequential but the therapy process is a journey in and back and through and amongst these areas, and maybe others, until the right balance for that person, couple, family is achieved.

When you experience such a conflict between whether or not change is needed in your life that may be a good time to talk to a professional, so that you can assessment whether the kind of change you are looking for requires therapy, a good book, a self help group or some other means. Don’t stay stuck where you are. You may just be giving into the fear of change when something new in your life is needed and will make your life fulfilling.

It is true that forgiveness is an individual decision. But is has some aspects to it, I was reminded about in some reading I did recently, that I want to share. The Smalley Center and several other authors point to being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship. Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep you healthy both emotionally and physically. There are healthy aspects to forgiveness. If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more – hate and extreme bitterness. Lack of forgiveness can wear you down. Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either your physical or your mental well being.

Here are some steps one author has for how to forgive.

• Be open.
• Make a decision to forgive your spouse.
• When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
• Don’t throw an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date.

William Menninger wrote (In “The Process of Forgiveness”):

Forgiveness, then, is not forgetting. It is not condoning or absolving. Neither is it pretending nor something done for the sake of the offender. It is not a thing we just do by a brutal act of the will. It does not entail a loss of identity, of special ness, or of face. It does not release the offenders from obligations they may or may not recognize. An understanding of these things will go a long way towards helping people enter into the forgiveness process.

Engaging in the tough process of forgiveness can give you and your partner more of a chance of a greater and healthier relationship.

There are many definitions of miracles. A common one would describe an event or something happening that is “wonderful”. It is statistically unlikely to happen; it is beneficial. Why think of miracles in the month of December? The element of miracle, whether it derives from faith or is just used casually, is a part of the happy times of people doing good for others, thinking of a time of relationships and the possibility of life becoming better, even the gift of “new life”. One of the most popular movies on TV over the December holidays, with a Christmas theme, is “A Wonderful Life”. George Bailey learns that he is important, that people love him, that life would not be the same for those who know him. A miracle of Love, perhaps?

I have thought about the miracles I see in the work I do as a counselor. Recently a client shared that finally there is some sense of accepting and moving beyond a loved one’s suicide. Another person has shared a sense of “gaining control” over this person’s life. A couple decided to look more closely at their relationship to take hold of it and plan their future together. One definition I find particularly interesting comes from the Christian Saint Augustine. He said that a miracle is “whatever is hard or appears unusual beyond the expectation or comprehension of the observer”. I think that is a quality of life that is there, if we are just able to see it. Sometimes our own expectations and particularly understandings and assumptions limit the possibilities that might exist.

Perhaps the real miracle is gaining the ability or taking the risk to see life differently. That is what clients in counseling and psychotherapy often have to be helped to do, in order to get beyond the conflict or issue which feels limiting and directed them to a therapist. Many of the words of our religious leaders these days challenge the believer to look beyond their own culturally and worldly experiences to see something that might not otherwise be there. Christians are challenged to see a world of peace. Muslims are challenged, though it is a staple of their faith, to give a certain percentage of their wealth to help others and thereby create “miracles” for others.

While the December holidays can bring as much sadness and depression, from stress, sad memories family conflicts those are exactly the places where miracles can occur. The miracle will be whatever happens that breaks into a person’s normal experience that has qualities of surprise, beneficence, and the wonderment of how did that happen. Perhaps one of the biggest miracles we Michiganders experience this holiday season is the many ways that people are reaching out to each other with gifts, food, money and many places trying to address mental and emotional and spiritual needs. Wouldn’t the real miracle if we kept this attitude and it continued in our lives all year? Happy Holidays!