Handling The Holiday Blues
With the onslaught of major religious holidays the joy, good news, happiness that the holidays are in some ways about can easily get lost. In the month of December while the Christian Community celebrates Christmas, the Jewish Faith observes Hanukkah and the Moslems are celebrating Ramadan. Apart from these religious observances the entire country seems to get caught up in activities, rituals, parties and events; in the midst of all of this many people say that they are going crazy. Some people say they are feeling stressed or depressed.
In the Christian tradition celebrations observing Christ’s birth bring with them all kinds of both secular and sacred baggage. Traditions and customs seem to loose their joy and special qualities. When the holidays become times of drudgery and routine, when the sense of doing too much overrides all of one’s thoughts and activities, it is time to step back and see what is going on here. It is in a time like that this that the true meaning of the sacred is being cast aside by the fast paced, we always do it this way attitudes which sweep us all up into their rigid patterns.
The holiday blues describe a sense of a seasonal depression. It is not just Seasonal Affective Disorder, which, because of less light, does indeed affect the mood of a person. Beyond that there is a feeling of loss of control, of memories of gatherings full of strife and upset, and a sense of business and deference to some unknown power which has a plan which it has not fully yet revealed for the perfect holiday. For the Christian Community the Good News of the birth of Christ is cast aside in favor of the well done pageant, a perfect 10 course dinner for both sides of the family, and the evening Candlelight Service which must have just the right hymns at the right number of candle watts for the hour.
As you approach the holidays this year give yourself permission to take a personal inventory. Ask yourself what is important to you. Ask yourself what would be special for you and the loved ones you will celebrate the holidays with. Ask yourself in what way you can enrich the spiritual and religious meaning for the holiday so that the gift of Light to the world becomes a joyous one which reminds you that you are centered in the enfolding arms of a faith and a faith community that holds to the qualities of giving, receiving, caring, connecting.
Keep your expectations realistic. To get through the next several weeks pace yourself, plan ahead, make a list of the importance of various activities. If you cannot find a reason to do something at that moment or at all maybe it has outlasted its usefulness. In the Christian Calendar the Season of Advent precedes the Christmas Celebration. It is a time to prepare and to wait. These are good ideas for all of the religious holidays, which require preparations and planning. Use the time preceding the day to put together the celebration that you want and conveys the meaning of the season for you.
In a holiday any feelings of sadness, loneliness and regret do not automatically disappear. Let the feelings be present in some way, even if you do not choose to express them. At the same time remember that the time is now; you are not in last year. Whatever bad memories of past holidays that did not go well which may return do not need to govern what you do. Keep yourself in the present. Explore, look for, and plan how this year will be a particularly happy holiday season in itself.
As you look to the new find a way to give to others. Part of the joy of many holiday seasons, particularly Christmas, is in the opportunity to give. In one community in which I served the congregants of a local temple served Christmas dinners at area soup kitchens so that their Christian brothers and sisters could be with their families for religious and familial observances. Look for whom you can take to church, invite to dinner, make a present for, or go to visit. As you do this free activity also think of things you can do which don’t cost anything. Maybe you would like to attend a worship service you have not attended before, as a way of spending time with your family or as another way to be reminded of the meaning of the season. Maybe a drive at night to see Christmas lights or some public display will be the right thing for you. Going window-shopping might be the activity that will help. Make a snow person with the family.
At the holiday time be with people you care about and who care about you. All of the religious holidays observed at this time of year are celebrations for families and groups. Be with the group that is right for you. Perhaps, at the same time, you will find someone new to bring into your family group, church group, and neighborhood group. You may contact someone you have not heard from in awhile.
For the Christian the message of the holiday is about new things. Remember that so you don’t get stuck in a worship format no longer meaningful, or a mandatory shopping tour, which is laborious and full of drudgery. The spirit of giving also means to be able to give to yourself. That spirit is consistent not only with good mental and emotional health but with religious tradition as well. As you try on these ideas and renew your look at this time of year you may be able to find the joy, peace and happiness which this season is all about.
This article first appeared in the Farmington Observer.
Dr. Paul Melrose
