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There are more of us who are closer to retirement than we ever were. The population puts most of us in the pre-retirement to retirement stage of development. Some of us are being given packages to help us retire. (Downsizing and losing one’s job is just enough different experience that I will write another article later in the winter that addresses that issue specifically.) The feelings around retirement ought to be normal and retirement, which comes at the end of a long professional career, should be easy, neat and quick and simple. For some that is true; that is wonderful. For others retirement is more complex.
The reason that retirement can not be so simple is because it is a major transition in life which involves loss. Whether it is chosen and planned for, or made necessary all of a sudden without preparation there are still the features of loss and mourning which are a part of retirement. The Business Psychology Research Institute highlights four stages of retirement grief: denial, depression, anger and acceptance. The stress of the change of life, called retirement, throws one into some kind of turmoil, however brief, or well managed. Because there are issues of loss many of the strategies for coping with any kind of death or loss become important. Knowing that this is a loss gives the retiree a structure around which to organize his/her major life change.
What are some of the things to help make a better retirement? First, expect that it might be complicated. Don’t expect it to go “right”. You may always miss your work. So, make up a new job, something to do in retirement. Set up a new schedule. Set up a new “office”, as a new workspace, to get your new life started. Find something you like to do or give yourself permission to try out a number of things. Be aware of how this change in your life may impact those around you, from your spouse, to your children to your friends.
It is important to maintain a positive attitude; look for opportunities. But, in the face of a loss that cannot always happen. There needs to be room to grieve, to miss the work environment. Even with jobs you are glad to leave recognize that even to change routines, to miss the familiar, to not hang out any more with the friends who made the job fun, or tolerable, all speaks to the necessity of new routines, appropriate for the new stage of life, and both new friends and ways to keep in touch with the important old friends, as well.
For men especially, to stop working is almost to loose one’s identity. I no longer work; I no longer do something. But, as it has been said many times, you are somebody. Who you are has to do with the kind of person you are, the knowledge you have, the roles and relationships that bring out different parts of your personality. Your experience is unique and you have gained wisdom. You can find different ways to contribute to projects, causes, religious work, other than by giving generously from your salary. You may give less financially but have time to do more. Maybe you will volunteer as a part of what you will do. You might even decide to learn a new skill and find you can get paid for using it. Any of these possibilities may make for a good retirement.
Retirement will be as good as the life which precedes it. Difficulties in family life, professional life, unresolved emotional or relational issues will all lay the groundwork for how easy or hard this inevitable transition will be. But anyone can do the work necessary to make retirement even better than parts of your life might have been. Plan now. It is not too early. Find resources in books, seminars, find a mentor or a therapist, if needed, speak to your religious leader. But do not just the financial work but the psychological, emotional and spiritual work. Your retirement is a major phase and time in your life. Make it work for you.
Dr. Paul Melrose is Director of Clinical Services at the Samaritan Counseling Center of SE Michigan. He can be reached at www.paulmelrose.com or through 248-474-4701.
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