In so many places, and certainly in the work that I do, the word “vulnerable” is often used. Being vulnerable seems to be part of being human. There are pros and cons to being vulnerable. All of us can be vulnerable at one time or another. In researching this topic I came across a website put together by Drs. James and Constance Messina at www.coping.org, where they summarize some important aspects of being vulnerable. Many people experience vulnerability, they say, in its painful, what might be called negative, sense. Being vulnerable can consist of feeling exposed to emotional hurt, being taken advantage of, or abused. It can also involve feelings of being fragile, weak, or susceptible to emotional pain and suffering. If one feels trapped or imprisoned because your feelings or rights are being ignored, that too can be a painful kind of vulnerability. When a person is feeling vulnerable they can feel that a person can take advantage of them.

The flip side to vulnerability is that it presents an opportunity for personal, emotional and psychological growth. Opening of yourself to the possibility of growing as a person in your emotional and spiritual dimensions can provide you with inner strength which you did not know you had. If you open yourself up to growth it becomes a time to address feelings of anger which have built up, grief which has never been resolved, time heal from leftover guilt and other relationships that linger. These unresolved emotions do influence behaviors, attitudes and beliefs which can be troubling or interrupt the kind of life you want and need to live in the present.

When you tell yourself it is time to take a risk, have faith that you can be vulnerable

these feelings and look at them you can try new experiences, accept new challenges and engage in new activities. The reason which one often runs away from being vulnerable is that one is scared of the pain that might need to be addressed. A person might still lack trust and security to be vulnerable. Because you have a way to survive you may not wish to sail unchartered waters. Feelings of guilt about past deeds or events, even feelings of shame, can prevent this kind of honest, and open self exploration.

Often the person fighting vulnerability is defensive, and private. Such a person tries to keep up appearances. He/she fights helping to being supportive for fear of being found out him/herself. Such a person may close others out and not be able to let in people, ideas, feelings or activities which could be healthy and healing. As part of their defensive structure people needing to protect themselves from these old and painful feelings, see no point in dredging up the past. There is a fear of being too emotional, either that it is too feminine or not masculine to be emotional. This person hides behind a tough, and sometimes brittle, outer layer of feeling and thought. It is important to keep away from people, trust no one, and have everyone mind their own business.

But, to be vulnerable is not just helpful but moves one on the road to more abundant living. You can be more honest with yourself and others. You can hear good things, and not just expect bad or critical things to be said. You can learn you don’t have to carry around pain and you will feel better. You will find yourself, with practice, able to be involved with more people, activities, and new situations, all of which increase the possibilities of life. To avoid vulnerability locks one into one’s self and keeps one cut off from friends, loved ones, your community, the world in which you live. Opening up yourself, gradually and carefully, maybe with the help of a support group or counselor, perhaps a friend, brings new possibilities for your life and experience, helping you to grow more toward the person you have been created to be.

 

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